Researchers have spent countless hours studying the perfect recipe for a successful marriage. Whereas, there is not a step by step guide that can be used there are many common themes that share a well of information. Acevedo, Aron, Fisher and Brown (2011) demonstrated with the use of fMRI Brain scans a connection between love and the release of dopamine a “feel good neurotransmitter.” Happy couples that have been in long term relationships feel less anxious and more interconnected.
Now that we know, science backs up what other people are saying how do we start creating that long-lasting relationship we all long for; Below are the 3 habits that can help you get there:
Do you remember when you first met your loved one, and you could spend hours or days listening to them? You could not get enough; you needed to know every single detail about that person. In the beginning stage of any relationship, there is a necessity to strengthen a shared connection. That connection grows into love and gives each partner a sense of belonging or attachment. As time moves on and individuals start getting comfortable, and life situations get in the way, that connection begins suffering. The love and admiration for our partner are the same, but the closeness is not there. When relationship closeness starts deteriorating our emotional responsiveness is threatened, and our human reaction is to “fight or flight.” Hence, we bring conflict into the relationship, or we become cold and distant until space and coldness are more significant than the love we once had. As human beings, we thrive on loving and being loved. We want to know our loved one is there for us willing and able to protect us, soothe us when we need them too.
How can we prevent falling into our very own self-destructive path?
Being open and accessible to our partner even when we don’t understand nor agree. It is putting our fears and insecurities aside and listening to the words of our loved one without judgment when they are hurting. It is being sensible and present to our partner and showing him or her that I love you and care for you even in conflict. Being open to being vulnerable will push your emotional connection with your partner to another level sort of the way it did when you fell in love the first time.
Many couples misunderstand the meaning of Intimacy. For most people, Intimacy relates to sexual encounters. However, that could not be farther from the truth. Intimacy requires knowing each other and accepting each other with unconditional regard and being secure within ourselves but being interconnected. Confusing, right? Being intimate in a relationship signifies a relationship that shares mutual respect and admiration while being together or apart. They enjoy each other’s company, and they look forward to spending time together. More so, they respect their differences and encourage each other to do the things they want that are not necessarily what we enjoy doing while also spending time together regularly. Many couples act on this crucial aspect of relationship bonding during the beginning stages of the relationship but lack off as time goes on. It is entirely reasonable for couples to get comfortable with each other and to start disregarding certain things. However, if you might have been feeling neglected, or emotionally isolated, it might be time to begin evaluating the level of intimacy that exists in your relationship.
Are you yearning for a fulfilling connection with your loved one?
Start by having an open conversation about the things you used to do that made you feel close to each other. Come to an agreement that it is important to start changing the way you have been drifting apart and to start reconnecting. Make it a point to schedule regular dates away from home, the house chores, the kids, and the bills. Concentrate on finding a new shared hobby or interest, but also do things that each partner enjoys solidifying the devotion for each other. It may be a significant struggle to find the time or the energy initially, but the commitment will renew your love bond and your time together will refresh your union allowing you both to grow stronger together and as individuals.
Commitment can be scary for many people, especially for newer generations. We want to feel love consistently, which over times happens with commitment. Nevertheless, the thought of being committed can be frightening because it inspires the sense of a long-term relationship, which is hard to envision. Only when a couple can accept the vision of a long-term relationship, can commitment become part of that relationship. Commitment comes with desire and purposeful willingness to sacrifice for the other person. Warren Buffet in a 2009 Berkshire meeting shared that committing to positive daily habits in your relationship will make a significant impact in your life. In order words, it means knowing and wanting to be “all-in” by both partners. It does not mean that I get my way at the expense of your happiness or that we continuously play toggle war until one of us gives up. What it truly means is the readiness to meet in the middle even if that is not how I envisioned things. It is not as hard as you might think it is if you are in the beginning stages of a relationship or have been married for ages but feel that your commitment is not as strong as you expected it to be it is time to revisit your approach.
Simple Ways to Strengthen your Commitment
Positive experiences and frequent laughter are a great commitment builder and conversation starter. For example, keep looking for the opportunity to have inside jokes. Perhaps, turn bad experiences into funny moments, such the time you did something that was not the smartest decision ever. Additionally, it is a good idea to eliminate distraction such as playing video games in bed or checking social media right before bedtime. Focusing on making that last evening moment a special time every night will lead to a more committed relationship. Deliberate changes can make an impact on your relationship and will create a more unified covenant.
In the end, creating that long-lasting relationship that fulfills you takes hard work and sacrifice. To make it work, you must know your partner and care about him/her enough to be able to understand their needs, wants and viewpoints even when you do not agree. It requires us to set our Egos’ aside for the sake of maintaining a successful marriage. Put what matters most to you, and your loved one at the center of everything you do, and you will soon start seeing the results of an open, intimate, committed relationship.